The Rambunctious Ringleader

The zoo's humble and most gracious founder. No one can exactly pinpoint for sure when the zoo popped up, but I'm sure everyone is very grateful it did. No refunds!

The Fungal Fiend

Where does Peanut end and its mushroom friends begin? Peanut is very defensive and will bite any fingers that come near its grin, so it'll be very tough to try and find out!

The Flustered Finfish

Shark has it's dinner on display as a special attraction. Be glad the zoo doesn't charge extra! Be sure to keep your distance and stay out the water, unless you sign a waiver or two.

The Reclusive Rodent

Some have guessed that Rat was acquired during one of Ghool's expeditions to NYC. Whatever the truth may be, it is certain that Rat is rightfully pissed off, and could probably go for some pizza right about now.

The Foul Fowl

The confusing question that Chicken's beak raises is: Is that natural? You can guess all you want, did Ghool have something to do with it, is it an alien parasite, is it a radiation side effect, did it just do that all by itself, it doesn't matter. The zoo chooses not to disclose the answer.

The Colossal Coleoid

Despite his utterly massive appearance, he is really quite gentle. At least, that's what we assume, since no one will go near him!

The Prickly Pair

Whether it's welcome or not, Cactus comes with a roommate who has a lot to offer. And by a lot, well mostly just spikes, really, but a little spike goes a long way. The two look deserted and a little parched, but what can you do, terracotta is expensive! Almost as expensive as the water bill around here!

The Silent Siren

The zoo contained this beast after many reports of missing hikers who never even got to take a hike. Must've taken a wrong turn or something.

The Polka dot Pygmy

Ghool's personal favorite of his many zoo inhabitants. A pygmy giraffe of some sort, though like most of the zoo's guests, its exact species is unknown. Giraffe acts very similar to a Beverly Hills toy dog, and accompanies Ghool very often in a similar fashion.

The Maternal Marauder

The jumpiest of the Bad Zoo bunch. She carries her children on her back, and cares for each and every one of them. Unless she's hungry.

The Grinning Gemini

The first thing most notice about Gecko is the peculier tail. Apparently its very common for certain lizards to shed their tails at the sight of approaching predators. Of course, there ARE old advertisements in the zoo's basement that mention fantastical conjoined twins. He's certainly a happy looking lizard... oh dear.

The Voracious Vampire

Leech may be a sucker, but he's no sap. He'll do whatever it take to latch himself onto anything full of blood and get his fair share. Including impersonating your doctor. Seriously, watch out. Next time you hurl a small child in the river, just be weary of who may have skipped lunch.

The Tusked Tot

They say pigs are smart, but the bite-sized Hog just sits and stares. Maybe he's thinking, "Wait a minute, isn't everything bite-sized around here?"

The Compliant Carrier

Kangaroo are generally known as great mothers, largely due to their animal instincts. This kangaroo doesn't do much hopping as of lately, and its instincts seem to be a little nonexistent. Still great for carrying babies! Just look at that cute little joey!

Ghool looks especially dashing under UV rays, which cause him to give off a ghoulish glow. It might be due to a strict diet of strange crystals and exotic meats, but who's to say for sure! 

A bright orange background and brown spots are a stark contrast to the original Giraffe card. 

Almost colorful enough to be a mascot for a food brand. Close, but no cigar. 

Rat looks rather pretty in pink. Magnificent in magenta. Fresh in fuchsia. 

Ringleader Ghool

The Boisterous Boss

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, step right up to the Bad Zoo, where your gracious host, leader, founder and president, Ghool, will give you a tour (for a fee and a waiver). Nevermind the smell, or the faint hum, or that strange glow. And all the purple crystals with the "DO NOT TOUCH" signs in front of 'em. And especially those missing persons cases... Ignore those. And make sure not to ask about why everyone in this damn zoo has those empty, foggy eyes. If you go about asking a question like that, you're practically begging to be thrown out the door! The Zoo doesn't need your business, why don't you go back to your home planet! No wait. Town. Home town. Sorry, got confused for a second. Ghool is just a normal American business owner like any other. He pays his taxes, supports his community, and doesn't have a clue about any so-called "highly infectious" space virus. So don't go askin' about that, either.

Barreleye

The Dimwitted Deep-Dweller

Barreleye was first introduced to the Zoo during one of Ghool's monstrously expensive submarine voyages. Once their foggy eyes met, it was love at first sight. Barreleye is naturally radioactive, and possesses X-ray vision. Luckily, its murky tank behind reinforced glass keeps visitors mostly safe (mostly). If it ever applied its incredibly tiny brain to a life of science, it could probably help the world. Too bad Barreleye is content eating floating specks in the dark. The folly of man, or fish for that matter.

Elephant

The Preposterous Pachyderm

A frequently asked question: How does the Zoo get ahold of such unique flora & fauna? The answer? Spend enough time here and you just might find yourself looking unique-er by the day. Take a look at Elephant's peculiar maw. It ought to win an award the way it is now, but just picture a row of teeth like that extending to the tip of its trunk! Wouldn't that be a sight! Elephant's coat keeps it warm in chilly environments, which it seems to prefer, contrary to what most other elephants like.

Centipede

The Homely Horror

Mistaken for a pest, Centipede retreated to the only place he found welcomed him: The Bad Zoo. Suddenly, people were lining up to take pictures of him and his mustache. That's when it dawned on him: a place you can call home can't be all Bad.

Germ

The Single-Celled Sleuth

You'd be amazed at the details you can miss when you aren't 10 microns tall. This amoeba has dedicated his life to solving the mysteries of the Bad Zoo he grew up in. Only one problem: A lot of ground to cover. That magnifying glass is going to be working overtime.

Rhino

The Garish Guard

Don't ask Ghool any questions about Rhino. There's nothing you'd want to know about rhinoceros that you couldn't already look up yourself, for example: Rhinos are expensive. Rhinos are fast. Rhinoceros poaching is highly illegal (and heavily monitored). The Zoo doesn't want any unnecessary attention from outside parties, so next time you ask yourself "why is it orange?" or "what's that peculiar electric hum?", you can just keep those questions to yourself and remember the facts that were disclosed to you. That aside, no one has a watchful gaze quite as good as Rhino. There's no need for a security crew with it on the team. Rhino is a machine. A security machine, I mean. Don't be silly.

Toad

The Toothless Terror

Also known as the Telepathic Overeating Amphibious Demon. This ravenous beast flies through tight cracks in walls and ends up eating what it's not supposed to. On its own that would be scary enough, but it controls its (a?) tongue with its psychic powers and uses it as an effective tool for ambush. Digestion is the only time it lay dormant, though unfortunately for its prey, its highly acidic stomach fluid can digest even the heaviest of metals in about 5 minutes time. On the bright side, it hates eating metal, so lining its enclosure with steel wool and tossing in bundles of flies for it will probably keep it content for the time being.

Crow

The Cryptic Corvid

Crow is not a member of the Zoo, and is in fact actively disliked by Ghool, the Zoo's founder. The two are enemies, in fact. It flies in and causes a ruckus often, and if I didn't know any better I'd say it was trying to warn the guests and exhibits about something. They seem all too compliant, however, and Crow's warnings go mostly unheeded.

Cockatiel

The Chambered Chick

Cockatiel's stomach has a mouth of its own and eats almost as much as Cockatiel does, which is concerning considering how much Cockatiel eats. Despite the immense caloric intake, Cockatiel has never matured, just gaining more of those yellow spikes it's lined with. Sharp to the touch, and a little oily. Yuck.

Rabbit

The Conductive Creep

Its fur is highly conductive, much to its dismay. Once Ghool figured out you can hollow out a spot in its dense, fluffy tail to fit in a battery, well, the electricity bill shot down to a record low. Which is great, because the water bill around here has skyrocketed!

Chimera

The Amiable Amalgam

These three are peas in a pod. They're practically (and literally) inseparable! Chimera's tail, which likes to be called Ouroboros, has saliva that might as well have been taken from the Fountain of Youth. That's actually what led Ghool to find this mythical beast. Only problem? Getting Ouroboros to pry itself off of that big hairy lug has proved to be an impossible task. The immense life energy in its saliva has granted eternal life to Lion and his horned friend Ram above, meaning these three are stuck together for eternity! Ain't nature fascinatin'?

Anteater

The Indifferent Insectivore

To be frank, Anteater hasn't been eating much of anything, lately. Its bushy tale actually makes for great cover against the elements for anyone who can fit. Usually, hiding on the body of your predator is a pretty bad idea, but you know what they say, "work smarter" and all that.

Squirrel

The Horrid Hoarder

This thing's teeth can cut through anything, which makes them the perfect tool for placing fungus-infected nuts in any crevice it can create. At some point, Squirrel started believing its nuts worked as currency, and it was believed that stuff around the Zoo started mysteriously turning into acorns. That was until the stuff started showing up in Squirrel's enclosure. It just has to stay on top of which nuts are which; Squirrel has a Peanut allergy!

Bat

The Warped Wing-Walker

This Hammerhead's quite the acrobat. Perhaps completely out of spite, he refuses to fly. Why should a mammal have to fly, anyhow? So he's adapted by perfecting an incredibly strange gymnastic feat, balancing, and even walking, on two fingers no less. But what does Bat have to show for it?! He doesn't have any fingers! His wings, once life's great blessing, are now nothing but a cruel curse. Bat is disjointed, dimorphic and diggety-down to party.

Evergreen

The Dust Devil Douglas

It wasn’t long after Evergreen sprouted that word spread about an unruly, destructive cyclone of needles covered in glowing eyes, terrorizing the pines. It was only when word hit the Bad Zoo that something was done about it! After a lengthy hunt, Ghool tracked down Evergreen and “invited” him to stay at the Zoo, and just in time for the holidays, too! While initially thought to be some sort of solar powered demon, Ghool quickly realized he had stumbled upon something much rarer (rarer = higher ticket fee): an angel! So at the end of every year, whether they’re naughty or nice, every creature in the Zoo gets to visit Evergreen and grab a gift, just for them!

"And the angel said unto them, Be not afraid; for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all the people." Luke 2:10-11

Gator

The Gaping Gate

Despite all the heat, Gator is exceptionally chill. When life gives you a horrific, blazing portal into an unknown dimension, that's kind of the only natural response you can have. Go with the flow. Unlike some of his relatives, Gator prefers sugar over blood, which is convenient for, well, anyone nearby really. I think I speak for all of us when I say I'd rather lose a butterscotch than a limb.

Sea Anemone

The Tentacled Tormentor

Oh the places you can go! For centuries, many oracles, religions and gurus have been coming up with theories to figure out where you go when you die. What all of them are missing from their bulletin boards is the Bad Zoo! Sea Anemone collects stray spirits to use as tentacles in order to catch prey! And during their long, strenuous stay, they get electric currents and poison blasted through the fiber of their being, 24/7! Its not all bad, though! Oh wait, it is! No way to spin this one. It doesn't matter what you did in your life, just pray to whoever, wherever that you don't end up stuck on Sea Anemone.

The Hermit

The Wharf Wretch

Somewhere not too far under a certain boardwalk on the East Coast sits the most diabolical abomination known to this world- in an 8-oz package. The Hermit stays obscured not just to protect itself, but to protect any unsuspecting predators or onlookers from picking a fight they couldn’t win in their wildest dreams. Not many people know this, but inside The Hermit's shell is the beast the stories tell about. Yes, those stories. The energy that can occasionally be read leaking from the can was found to be eerily similar to the energy surrounding abandoned carnivals, hurricane wreckage and the seediest casinos. So if you ever hear rustling from underneath the boardwalk in the off season, best to carry on with your walk, because you might not like what's waiting for you in the sand.

Blacklight Ghool

A hat and cape made of cheap fabric? Check. A thrifted cane? Check. A pool ball full of mystery fluid housing a d20 with the same answer (GOOD LUCK) on every side? Check. Dress for success, dress to impress. When you spot a purple crystal in the wild, you can do one of two things, either fashion it into a super-battery, or eat it to glow under purple lightbulbs!

Blacklight Barreleye

In the metaphorical sense, Barreleye has incredibly thick skin. Ultraviolet rays beg to differ, however.

Blacklight Evergreen

Happy Holidays from the Evergreen Terror. Don't mind the eye graffiti on that hot pink pot, that's just a petty vandal's reference to local rumors about a winged demon with 742 eyes terrorizing the forests. But that's all they are, local rumors! Now stop thinking about all that scary stuff and look at the pretty ornaments!

Blacklight Hermit

Evil comes in many forms. UV light tends to highlight a lot, including evil.

Pale Elephant

This pale coat of fur and slightly darker background make for moderate contrast from the regular Elephant card.

Tropical Sea Anemone

Unless Sea Anemone finds itself next to some bleached coral, white isn't a very good color for camouflage. Luckily, this polyp has a preference for pink (and orange, and warm colors in general).

P.S.: Don't mention a certain sea witch from a specific fairy tale around Sea Anemone, it gets particularly unruly when folks draw (in its mind, unfair) similarities.